The Language of Mothers

The Crazy Asian called today wanting to know if I finished packing. I reminded her that our flight wasn't leaving for another 10 days. Before she can sense my eyes rolling (must be a mom thing), I offer up a valid excuse for my packing procrastination. I've been actively acquiring necessities for our pilgrimage: deet, alcohol wipes, shampoo, hair color, and 3 pounds of chocolate for all her "grandkids".

Wait! I know you're asking, "Doesn't each and every one of her 120 grandchildren live in the United States with either you or your sister?" Yes. They do. And, no. The chocolate is not for them.

It must be an Asian thing. I have no idea who these grandkids are. I don't even know if they are remotely related to my mother. After coming to the realization at the age of 10 that all the aunts in my life were just my mother's friends (some merely acquaintances), I've stopped questioning her. Let alone inquire as to why I have to buy it and lug it for her to play Santa to her make believe descendants.

It's all good. Until she asks what kind of chocolate. I bought 3 pounds of Hershey chocolate per her request. Wal-Mart had a sale on 1/2 pound chocolate bars. I did my duty without question or complaint. Pride always comes before a fall.

Ugh, something was lost in translation. That won't do for all her grandkids. She needs individually wrapped Hershey Kisses. How many faux grandchildren does this Crazy Asian have?

Oops! I asked a question.

I'll spare you the details. You need only know that it was reminiscent to scenes from which my childhood friends relished in witnessing. My mother having to explain what she believed should be common knowledge to all; especially to her own offspring. Complete with raised voice, for clarity's sake, and punctuated with obscenities provoked by a lack of an appropriate English word. Depending on how flustered she was, the Thai infused curses were the only words we could decipher.

Never fear. The Crazy Asian had a long list of English phrases mastered. I can still relate to the following song.